And Who Will Give You Sanctuary
by Spacefille
Summary: A reflective Severus Snape piece. Severus is bitter over the fact that Sirius and the rest of the Gryffindor boys tried to kill him, but what was the real reason behind him following them around in the first place?


_And who will give you Sanctuary..._  
By Marie  
Nov. 2001   
(Edited -- January 2nd 2002)  
~~~

Author Notes: This is a conceptual piece that may or may not have more added to it later. It's also my first attempt at Harry Potter fanfiction. :)

More Author's Notes: I *really* like Snape. I'm also really new to this fandom (read all of the books in October and November this year) watched the movie and am very much obsessed. (Yes I caught the Harry Potter bug... and look at me, I never even intented to read them... blame my little sister... *lol*) I've found that I'm not alone in my liking of Harry Potter and of Severus Snape... *grins* Anyway expect more fics from me in the future playing with this absolutely wonderful character.

Fic Notes: In Goblet of Fire, when Sirius Black is listing Slytherins that went to school with Snape and then went dark side, he never mentions Lucius Malfroy as being one of them. I figure that this may have been because Lucius was cleared of being a Deatheater. This piece was inspired mostly by thinking too much about the end of the Prisoner of Azkaban... and I read a really good Lucius x Snape fic a few weeks ago that may have added fuel to the fire... (can't for the life of me remember what it was called or who wrote it however... _)

Warnings: Possible spoilers for all four books. Possible OOCness.(?) 

Rating: PG-13 

Disclaimer: Everything here belongs to J.K. Rowling, who is VERY talented and deserves every last groveling inch of praise she is given! I'm not making money off of this. -_-;;

~~~  
  
_James Potter was decidedly heterosexual,   
(He had to get married and sire our hero)   
Lupin and Sirius liked ruff and furry tumble  
And you wonder why Peter felt a little left out.  
  
... but what of our now Potions Master Snape?  
_  
~~~

It had seemed like a good idea at the time. Of course a lot of things done when you are just a teenage boy seem like a very good idea at the time... and then you later find out exactly how stupid those ideas were. 

This was one of them. 

James Potter had gone almost positively white under his uncooperative locks of jet black hair, his eyes wide as he stared at his best friend. 

Sirius Black stopped laughing then. "What?" he asked. "Don't you think that's funny?" 

James had shook his head. "Of course I think it's funny, but Sirius, we'll get expelled!!" 

Sirius gave him a particular look.

James just shook his head again. "Look, it's a good thing if it finally manages to scare him into leaving us alone, but Sirius, you've forgotten he's a WEREWOLF!! Lupin'll kill him for sure! And THEN we'll get expelled, if not worse...!" James was already off and running towards the Gryffindor dorms to get his invisibility cloak, leaving Sirius to gape after him. 

He, James Potter, had understood *why* Sirius had done what he had done. He had merely told Severus Snape how to get to the entrance underneath the whomping willow without getting the stuffing beaten out of him... but the "joke" was was that Snape may very well loose his life if he met up with what was on the other side. Which, as he had said to Sirius Black, was a very good thing if they wanted Severus to leave them alone, but a very bad thing if they wanted to continue attending Hogwart's School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. 

Needless to say, he had to get Severus out of there immediately...

~~~

Nothing had changed. He couldn't sleep very well under the best of circumstances and Severus had been sitting up wide awake and watching out of the window of his dorm room in Slytherin when he saw him. Sirius Black, a mere shadowed form as the Gryffindor boy snuck across the half moonlit grounds of the school below. He was up to his old tricks again, Severus expected. His eyes narrowed as he watched as Sirius disappeared into a small thicket at the edge his field of view.

Frowning, Severus quietly leapt down off of the window ledge and made towards the door.

He almost hesitated when he got down to ground level, seriously considering turning around and just going back to bed. After all-- as Sirius and his friends had so graciously proved-- there could definitely be fatal consequences involved in following them around. He grimaced sourly. Yes, but...

"Yes but what?" He grumbled at himself as he strode purposefully onto the moonlit grounds. "You haven't *got* a reason for following them around, do you?"

Well he did actually. 

He would never admit to himself the real reason he followed the Gryffindor boys around. No, he had convinced himself that the reason he followed them around and spied on them was because he wanted.... *needed* to bring them down a notch. Everybody knew that James Potter and Sirius Black were allowed to get away with murder... quite literally.

Though he really hadn't expected them to try to *kill* him. That... he could _take_ the coarse verbal jabs, the glares, the occasional physical fights that Sirius especially seemed to like to get into with him to "prove himself", but... to try to kill him? And they had come bloody close to succeeding in that endeavor... it was a little less than two weeks previous when he had stood gap mouthed and immobile with fear, staring at a snarling werewolf. It hadn't been until he heard James' breathless "Severus RUN!" From somewhere behind him that he had realized what had happened. 

He felt a thrill of fear go through him at the mere thought, one he suppressed by frowning a little bit more. Damn Black... and he could just imagine Sirius Black's reaction if his little experiment of trying to kill him had been successful. 

Sirius... Sirius Black would have just *laughed*. 

He was so sure that Sirius Black *had* been up to something nasty, that he hadn't really expected what he *did* encounter. A faint blush coloring his cheeks, Severus backed slowly away from the bushes. That... that was not something he had intended to see... really, he had no interest in watching Sirius and a lady friend... He blushed even more, all the while mentally cursing himself for his intrusion. 

He recovered swiftly. Well, there was no further need for him to be here then. Abruptly he turned, intending to march back to his dorm in Slytherin and stay put for the rest of the night, when a twig snapped and the bushes rustled from back were Sirius was. 

He froze, then growing quite pale he ducked down again, burying himself as best he could in the bushes that surrounded the base of the nearest tree. Damn...

Sirius and the girl's voices came closer to his location. Sirius murmured something, and the girl giggled and whispered something back again. Very carefully Snape moved his head, attempting to see them. There... 

He watched as Sirius kissed the girl once on the cheek, then she turned, walking right towards Snape. 

Eyes wide, Severus attempted to shove himself even further into the bark of the tree he was up against. _No... _

Luckily the girl was oblivious even as she walked within five feet of the cowering boy on her way back to the Gryffindor dorms. Blood pounding in his ears, Severus stayed crouched, listening for Black. The girl was gone, but he hadn't heard Black... where was he??

Ears straining, he slowly stood again, eyes darting every which way in the dark for the other boy. 

"Did you enjoy that?" came a slow casual drawl from behind him. 

Gasping, Severus whirled about, only to come face to face with Black. The Gryffindor boy was inspecting him with narrowed dark eyes, his arms crossed angrily over his chest. 

Snape went ashen again before he straightened himself out and glared at Sirius with a look akin to pure loathing. "You're not supposed to be out here after dark Sirius," he began haughtily. "If headmaster Dumble..." 

Sirius looked surprised for a moment before his face clouded and he took a couple of threatening steps forwards. Snape grew silent... and in fact if it were possible, he grew a little bit paler as well. 

"Headmaster Dumbledore will not hear about this." Sirius snapped. 

Both boys glared at each other. Snape said nothing until Sirius suddenly darted forwards, grabbing the other boy by his arms and ramming him up again the tree behind him. He did so with a violence that even Severus wasn't used to, and the thin boy trembled minutely in Sirius' grasp. Only a couple of weeks ago he would have fought back furiously and him and Sirius would have been locked in a wrestling match practically to the death... (or at least until McGonagall came along and broke them up.) But that... that was before...

Black seemed to have noticed his change in demeanor and probably guessed why. He continued. "*Stop* following us around Severus!" He hissed. He lowered his voice threateningly. "Or do I have to find some way to get rid of you again?"

Severus didn't say anything. Black waited for a moment, then in utter frustration he continued. "Do you hear me Severus?!" He demanded to know. He embedded his hand into Snape's unkempt black hair, wrenching his head back. Once again he was surprised when Snape didn't seethe out his usual sarcastic comments and retorts and instead he just... *took* it. "Do you hear me??" He hissed again. He continued to press his advantage, pressing himself full against the thinner boy, giving his head an extra jarring yank. "Do you," he spat. 

It was only then that Sirius noticed how violently Snape was shaking, his eyes widened and horrified. "I understand." Severus stuttered out finally. His eyes fluttered shut and then open again. "Don't... Sirius, *please*..." he continued softly, his voice full of a quiet desperation. 

It took a full three seconds for that to compute into Sirius' mind. Then Sirius let Snape go like he had been burnt, staring at the Slytherin boy. 

He got it all right... Severus was scared of him of course. But it was more than that... there was something... *gross* that Severus seemed to be implying and his stomach plunged sickeningly. 

"You're disgusting!" Black shouted suddenly, his fist sailing out to crack against Snape's shadowed cheek, and Severus went down in a crumpled heap of robes. Black backed up a step and stared down at him.

Black watched as Snape pushed himself up onto his hands and knees slowly, blinking. Even though his eyes were trained on the ground Sirius could tell he was thinking... just thinking, the Slytherin boy was always *thinking*. For a long moment all Severus did was crouch there, mulling over things, and then he looked up-- his gaze focused off into the bushes to their side. 

Confused Black glanced to the side as well. There was nothing there. He looked back at Snape, still on the ground. Then he figured it out... Snape was waiting for him to do something. 

Sirius frowned. He didn't hit people when they were down. What kind of monster did Severus think he was?! "Get up," He huffed with frustration. 

Severus did so slowly, and Sirius was quite taken aback as Snape turned his eyes on him. They were full of loathing-- his lips were pierced and his eyes were narrowed. "I hate you," Severus said slowly, his voice soft. 

Sirius threw his arms wide. "Good!" He replied. "Nobody *asked* you to like me anyway!!" He stopped, as if realizing what he had just said. He hesitated for a moment before dropping his arms and giving Severus a long hard look. "Just..." He sighed a little bit wearily. "Just go *back* to Slytherin Severus," he glared. "Where you *belong*. And leave us alone if you know what's good for you." 

Snape's eyes narrowed, and he opened up his mouth as if to speak. At the last moment he must have thought better of it, and instead his lip curled up into a sneer. Turning he flounced off into the bushes, disappearing quickly from sight. 

Severus didn't even know why he bothered anyway. He kept up his rapid pace right until he had reached the hall that led to the bedrooms, before he partly crumpled, sagging against the cold stone in complete despair. It really wasn't fair. It really wasn't...

He wrapped his arms around his shaking form, his thin white fingers curling into his sleeves. He allowed himself the pleasure of shuddering for a few moments before gritting his teeth and pushing off again. He was stronger than that. He was stronger than that and he'd *prove* it, he'd get even with them somehow...

He made it all the way back to the room with that purpose in mind. In fact he would have happily crawled into bed and fell asleep dreaming delightful little thoughts of revenge if it weren't for one little thing. 

"Severus," A voice whispered at him from across the darkened room. Severus froze, then whirled around to face Lucius. 

The blond haired boy slid off of his bed, his blue eyes narrowed as he trekked across the room towards Snape. "And just where have you been?" he asked bluntly.

Severus held Malfroy's gaze for a moment before turning back to his bed, shucking off his robe in one smooth motion and crawling under his covers. "No where Lucius," He replied grumpily. "Go back to bed." He shut his eyes deliberately, hoping that Malfory would get the hint. He didn't think couldn't deal with Malfory's games right now. He just *couldn't*. Not tonight. Not when he had come so close to loosing it at something so relatively small....

His eyes slid opened again when a weight pressed down on the mattress near the foot of the bed. 

Great. He surpressed a sigh as a soft scraping sound met his ears, the sound of the thick green curtain around his bed being drawn shut, and the familiar sound of Malfory muttering the privacy incantation under his breath. A little less than a second later Severus felt the equally familiar press of Lucius again him, and the deadly lit to his voice as he whispered playfully in Snape's ear. "I *told* you Severus," he chided gently. A hand reached out, stroking the unkempt black hair away from Snape's neck, partly so that he could run his fingers along it without obstruction. "They don't care about you at all." A kiss was pressed to his temple, and it took a great deal of the remainder of Severus' energy to keep himself from shuddering. "I wish you'd learn that... instead of following them around like a little lost puppy dog." He laughed-- a cold cruel sound. 

"I *have* learnt that Lucius," Severus hissed, turning and glaring at the other boy. And he had... Black had made himself perfectly clear. However Black had thought he had been following him around because he wanted to get them in trouble for something...

Only Lucius knew the real reason. And what's more he loved to rub it in. Lucius merely smiled at his hateful expression, reaching out to run his thumb a little too roughly along Severus' freshly bruised cheek. "*Poor* Severus," He said snidely, grinning. "They tried to kill you and everything and yet you're still hopeful." He shook his head in mock grief. "Poor, *unloved* Severus..."

Eyes flashing with hurt and hatred Severus opened his mouth to retort, but his biting remarks were swallowed suddenly by Lucius' lips. 

Severus choked, struggling briefly, then stopped as teeth clamped down warningly against his bottom lip. Responding the physical command he relented, going limp and allowing Lucius to push him forcefully down into the mattress. Steeling himself he kissed Lucius back obediently, his gaze focused somewhere off to the left.

There was no point in fighting. 

Even so he felt a brief surge of anger at Sirius... at *all* of them that quickly dulled to a throbbing ache and twisting bitterness. Damn them anyway. 

They could have at least *tried*...

~~~


End file.
